But Of Course I Was Wrong
by idkgirl27
Summary: When Butters finally gets the guy of his dreams, Stan, he figures that things will finally go his way. But when Butters learns two secrets he gets proven wrong. Stutters Style


I love him so much. Ever since we were kids. He was always the center of attention and I was lucky enough to tag along.

So when Stan Marsh confessed to me, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch, that he was... gay. I was the happiest boy on earth.

Sure there was still no way Stan could ever love a Melvin like me, but the fact that he was gay gave me hope.

Then one day after school the two of us were walking home. He led me to my doorstep and I invited him over because my parents weren't home and for whatever reason he said yes. He sat on the couch and I went to the kitchen to get us some refreshments. I couldn't believe it, Stan Marsh, the man of my dreams, was in **my **living room. I remember fretting because I didn't know what to bring him, so I went back to the living room empty handed.

"I d-didn't know what you... what you l-like to drink..."

I was surprised when he stood up and walked over to me, "That's okay Butters. I got something I wanna ask you..."

"Y-yes, Stan?"

Stan raised his hand to my face and I instinctively flinched. After years of abuse by my parents I had grown to learn that physical contact was bad and painful. Stan, however, placed his hand on my face and tucked my hair behind my ear, "Butters... I think maybe that I like you. Do you like me too?"

I remember wondering if I was just dreaming. I tried to say 'Yes, I've loved you my whole life!' but my stupid stutter and excitement wouldn't let me.

I just looked into his eyes. Stan Marsh has the most beautiful dark blue eyes and at that moment they seemed to have been peircing right through me. He could tell that I did like him and he leaned forward to kiss me.

At that moment my heart was racing. I thought that if this was a dream, I prayed not to wake up. But when our lips met I felt more alive than I ever had before.

After that kiss we became boyfriends.

Looking back I remember that it wasn't perfect. When Stan told me that he 'might like me' and when he kissed me there was hesitation on his part.

But at that moment I looked past it. I thought to myself that things were finally going my way. My whole life had been shit and now one good thing was happening to me. After years of good behavior good karma was coming my way, but of course I was wrong.

At the beginning of our relationship things were perfect. We'd hold hands, kiss, go on dates, and I even got to sit on his lap! He was affecianate and loving. It didn't matter anymore that I was bullied at school, abused at home, and had no friends because now I had Stan.

But slowly he started pulling away from me. He never called me or hung out with me. It's as if he'd broken up with me.

Then one night I got a phone call from Stan asking for me to go over to his house because he's family wasn't there and he was lonely. Though I knew I'd get in trouble for sneaking out,but I did anyways because he hadn't paid me any attention all week.

When I got to his house it was a dream come true. He had prepared a romantic candle-lit dinner for me. Stan told me that he was sorry for ignoring me and told me that he wanted to make 'us' work.

I started to cry and he picked me up and carried me to his room. I remember feeling so secure in his arms, as if nothing in this world could hurt me.

Stan laid me on his bed and kissed me softly. He told me that I was 'beautiful'. That was the night that I lost my virginity.

After that our relationship seemed to be recovering and we were having sex regulary. Everything was perfect.

I remember that when we would make love he'd close his eyes the entire time. I thought it was because he was so into the moment but of course I was wrong.

I became aware of the real reason when one time we were having sex. Whenever we had sex it would be me giving him a hand job or a blow job of him giving me anal. Sex is always about making Stan feel good, that's okay with me because I love him.

We were having anal sex. He had entered me from behind so that we weren't face-to-face. I remeber that he was mumbling something but I couldn't make out what. But then I caught it. He said it quietly but I could clearly hear him say 'Kyle'. I tried to ignore it but it kept bothering me.

After that night whenever we'd have sex I could hear him say 'Kyle'. The first few times he'd just whisper it but eventually he'd start yelling out Kyle's name during sex. I guess he thought that I wouldn't care if he was imaging Kyle instead of seeing me, and I tried not to. I really did.

But it was becoming more obivious that the one Stan really loved was Kyle. When I confronted Stan about this he told me that since he was little he had loved Kyle, but felt that his love could never be reciprocated. So instead he settled for me.

I was crushed. I should have broken up with him but I couldn't. I love Stan so much. So I played along. Whenever we were alone I let him call me 'Kyle'.

Now after we make love I go on my side and stare at the wall and cry. While Stan jerks off and calls out Kyle's name.

This was our relationship. I became a replacement Kyle for Stan. I could live with that, but of course it gets worse.

One day at school Kyle asks to talk to me. He tells me that he loves Stan, that he's always loved Stan. But since I was dating Stan he would ignore his feelings.

Now I know. I know that Kyle loves Stan too but that Stan has no idea. I should just let them be happy together but I just can't. I love Stan too much to let him go. Even if Stan will never love me the way he loves Kyle. So I'll keep their secrets to myself. I'll never tell Stan that the man of his dreams, Kyle, loves him back. Because then Stan would leave me.

I choose to keep Stan and love him instead of letting Stan be happy.

I'm a horrible person that doesn't deserve someone as good as Stan but I really do love him.

I love Stan Marsh.


End file.
